Today I Received A Severed Finger In The Post....

It’s the witching hour, well that might be a bit on exaggeration; it’s just turned four o’clock in the morning, and the heckling coyotes have definitely just done something I don’t want to know about. Living in a canyon is great, but howls that go bang night can be a little unnerving…. especially since I do have an overactive imagination. (Shocker!)

A normal household spider could never be just that. It’d have to be some deadly redback stow-away 8-legged beast that’s traveled across the seas from Australia with the sole intent of biting me whilst I sleep. A moving shadow floating into some dark corner of my bedroom is a demon waiting for just the right moment to steal my soul. A curvaceous dark-colored branch, strew harmlessly in the middle of the road, is an Inland Taipan snake waiting to swallow me whole as I jog by! I’ve even transformed a local chunky100lb dog or 2 into mountain lions.

In my own defense, I’m not completely off the mark. As I said, I do live in a canyon, in a little ole house that has, and I quote my cable guy verbatim, “the biggest black widows he’s ever seen!” underneath. In my attic I did find a dead, albeit small scorpion, but hey a scorpion is a scorpion! There’ve been a few mountain lion attacks, and numerous actual sighting in the last few years. While, my back yard is harmless (rodents don’t scare me) it does back up against a hill that appears to hold nightly revival/dinner meetings on a “no membership required” basis, for all of the local 4 legged wildlife population of raccoons, opossums, coyotes, skunks… However, given that I am deathly afraid of snakes this little nugget is by far the worst! According to my landlord the hill is also “rattlesnake infested”. (Of course this wasn’t mentioned to me when I signed the lease…)

Come on, you’d have to agree that unless you were trying out for a Jeff Corwin type job on the Animal planet “The hill” is a no go zone ……

I love where I live, but it does provide my overactive imagination with a little too much “How many ways can Billie, die a grisly death ” brain fodder. From my queen-sized bed I have co-starred in The Hills Have Eyes, pt 7, Arachnophobia, Halloween pt 6, and both installments of The Exorcist... However, of late I have been getting a little move adventurous and creating my own scripts....

Of course, these midnight musing always take place on “The Hill” and usually I am the high heeled, mini skirt wearing hero of the day who saves all innocents!...I been almost sucked dry by a lovelorn vampire who wanted an eternal companion, attacked by werewolves, nearly sacrificed to the devil, by stay at home mothers turned snake worshipping Satanists, practically eaten alive by a mutant snake/spider creation who needed human flesh to survive, held captive in an underground air-restricted chamber by my creepy neighbor and dragged down to hell by the chap in Nightmare on Elm street!...you get the drift me thinks...OVERACTIVE is the word of the night!

You might ask why is my mind going haywire tonight and what did I mean by “Today I received a severed finger in the post....”?


Today I went to the letterbox and there in its evil mitts, was a lovely little black box. Thinking some unknown admirer had sent me a priceless jewel I opened it up and instead found a severed finger with black ribbon wrapped around it, nestled in an avant -garde arrangement of straw...along with this ‘flesh toned jewel” was an invite to a fab Halloween party from one of my most wonderfully creative and voodoo influenced friends! Some people send cards...evites...even call you on the phone and say hi “ I’m having a party wanna come?”.... not her!

Of course given the originality of the invite the pressure is on ... What do I wear?
Hopefully, my overactive imagination will be of some use at last!

FYI: This is the type of downright silly blog one writes after receiving a severed finger in the post....

Bx