Travel Diary: Day 3

Travel Diary: Billie Myers Day three of the pop diva’s Caribbean Fantasy Vacation 03.02.07

By Duane Wells

Did you miss day two of Billie's Caribbean adventure? Check out the drinking, the dancing and the drama here before moving on to day three. It’s day 3 of Billie Myers’ RSVP Caribbean Fantasy Vacation and that means its performance day for the pop diva. Follow along as Myers preps for her big night on stage by soliciting twin dancers and tearing through her wardrobe for the perfect ensemble to dazzle the queens on deck.


Billie Myers RSVP Caribbean Fantasy Vacation Day 3

This is a hard diary entry because I already know the ending… It’s show day, so of course I woke up in a blind panic, which by the time you finish reading this you will realize was not so completely misplaced!

Well given that I was due on stage later, my first point of call was an hour by the pool… in my mind I’m thinking a book, coffee and peace and quiet. After all it’s barely 10:30 am. Wrong! There were already quite few boys lounging, cocktail in one hand and suntan lotion in the other. Even at this time of day, they still look like models… how come I don’t wake up looking like that? Or how come I’ve never woken up with someone who looks that that…umm come to think it there was that time in Mexico…

In theory, who’d think getting a chair wouldn’t be easy at this time of the morning, but no--the towel cheats had beaten me to the good chairs! Everywhere I looked there were striped blue towels laughing at my lack of preparation. How could I have forgotten rule number one. If you want to get a well-positioned chair that drowns you in sunshine all day, then place a towel on said prime location the night before.

Now it’s not that I haven’t partaken in this time honored towel-placing ritual myself, but at that moment I was pissed! What should I do? Risk life and limb by feigning ignorant innocence or simply bite the bullet and go up a few decks. I knew most of the chairs wouldn’t have actual bodies sprawled across them until at least 1pm! Inside my head the Clash are happily taunting me with a sneering rendition. “Should I stay or should I go now… if I go there could be trouble, but if I stay there could be double...”

Alas I’m a coward, so the towels stayed untouched, and I went up the decks, hoping, hope upon hope that a couple of those “reserved” towels belong to Kelly or Andrew… yes I know I’m such a hypocrite!

As it happens, it turned out to be a nice change of pace sitting up high, away from the pool. As the day progressed I found myself getting more and more nervous… my stomach felt like a pound of jumping beans having a rave, and I kept getting dry mouth.

Andrew tried to take my mind off the show by continuing my education on how to spot a top/bottom, or a flexible, all of which is a minefield of contradictions. After a few minutes I quickly came to the conclusion that everyone should simply wear a nametag… “Hello my name is Kelly and I’m a proud…” And while I’m on the subject of Kelly… he’d still had not made an appearance…

At about 4pm I had a brainwave. I needed to procure dancers for one of the songs I’m performing, "Just Sex". Looking around there was no shortage of gorgeous men, but who would do it? Ever helpful, Andrew went off on a scout hunt or should I say a cruise hunt, and came back with twins …and not just any ‘ole set of twins either. They were beyond beautiful, and as it happened dancers… Eric and Derrick, perfect!

6pm - Kelly still hasn’t appeared so of course I am convinced that he must have fallen overboard. Little do I know that this is in fact a good sign of a night well had!

Sound-check time arrived and all went well. Monitors sounded great, microphone didn’t pick up any errant radio stations and Eric and Derrick arrive on time. When they asked me what I’d like them to wear, I was about to ponder the question, when without missing a beat Andrew said “Only underwear.” Now, it’s not that I disagreed with him but goodness sake he could have at least pretended to give the question thought. Towards the end of sound check Kelly appeared, with what can only be described as a self-satisfied smile on his face... Allegedly nothing happened during those missing 11hrs… yeah, yeah, yeah, and I’m Mother Theresa in drag. Thank heavens for alcohol is all I can say, because after a few shots to drink himself sober, he became a lot more forthcoming. He’d woken up with a pair of underpants in his bed--and they weren’t his… need I say more? With only a couple of hours between sound-check and performance I went back to my room and tried on outfit after outfit. I’d gone shopping just before I arrived on the ship with my friend Francesco, and given that he’d walked me up and down Melrose looking for “anything but jeans!” believe me I had choices…

I tried on the pink sequined pants and wool top, but it seemed a little Vegas. Then I tried on a black mini with knee high boots, but got a Paris/Britney premonition. Then I tried on a leather bustier, which I swear fit me when I bought it. However my breasts seemed reluctant to hold up their end of the bargain… in a nutshell my boobs were not big enough to hold it firm! One wrong move and the whole thing could have fallen to my waist.

So despite all of the new outfits, I went for a simple black pants and sheer top combo.
11:45 arrived and I went down I go to the stage area. The DC cowboys are just finishing up and the crowd was cheering… then I heard welcome to the stage Billie Myers….”

Now at this point I am tempted to gloss over the next 15mins and paint them as a moment of perfection, however things didn’t quite turn out as planned!

I walked on to the stage began singing and promptly sang the wrong words… the second verse of “am I here yet” came flying out of my lips! I wouldn’t have minded but I’ve sung, that song more times that I can count! Now because I was singing to track I didn’t really have much room for maneuver …so the when the second verse began I of course sing the first verse to compensate! ..Arghhhh

Then came “Just Sex”… Eric and Derrick were a dream. The audience was transfixed …and then, to add even more naughtiness to the scene I dragged Kelly and James onto he stage. (Remember the guy in the wet white shorts?). Before I could say “voodoo blue” Kelly was writhing on top of Eric, and James and Kelly were in a position I’d never seen before. They really gave a visual presentation of the song that even left me a little hot--sorry boys I know that will flip you out!



Of course the song that got the crowd moving and singing was "Kiss the Rain"… And me being me, I thought I’d be all adventurous and climb over the stage banister into the crowd. This wasn’t a good move given that underneath the stage was a pool, so imagine my horror when my boot (4in heels please) got caught on the railings mid--climb. Now as cool as I was trying to be I’m sure a few people must have noticed my graceless maneuver. It’s a mere stroke of luck I didn’t find myself in the water. Then it was over!

Now you’d think, my nerves would calm down after a show, but they never do. At that point all I can ever think about is all the things I didn’t get right… that is, until the tequila kicks in.

Having never sung on a moving ship before, I have to confess it was a little harder than I thought it would be…but I’d definitely do it again.

- For more on Billie Myers, check out her official Web site at www.BillieMyers.com.